Who comes first – Husband or Child?

The question of who should be a woman’s number one priority, husband or children, has become somewhat of a "chicken or the egg" argument in parenting circles.  Women seem to be split on the question; however it would seem that more women believe that children should come before their spouse.

Many women adamantly assert that their children are and should be their first priority. The argument goes something like this, “my children are my flesh and blood and they need their mother, my husband is more than capable of fending for himself.”  Some will go so far as to say “husbands will come and go, but your children will be your children forever".  Perhaps there is some truth to that, particularly in some countries where divorce has become so prevalent, but it certainly is not the ideal. 

Certainly there is no doubt that children, at least up until a certain age, require more in the way of time, attention, and care, than a husband.  And no one is suggesting that children be deprived or neglected. Children require not only material necessities from their parents but also a great deal of attention, love, and discipline.

Remember that a woman marries her husband and takes vows with him. Ideally a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.  Your children will be with you for perhaps 25 years before beginning a life of their own. Long after the children are gone, you and your husband will be together.

A big part of being a parent is modeling good behavior.  Children learn most of what they know by watching mom and dad.  Parents who model a loving, respectful, mutually supportive relationship are giving their children a huge gift and an incredible head start as they move forward towards adulthood.  Another job of being a parent is to raise happy successful future adults.  So whatever parents can do to keep their relationship strong and in tact is good for the child. If a mother were to consistently put her children before her husband there is a chance that the husband/wife relationship would suffer.

So what is the answer?

The answer, from the view of psychologists, is that when a man and woman marry they take a vow to one another and nothing should supersede the husband/wife relationship.  When and if children come along then the parents are to love and nurture them but never put them above their spouse.  The greatest gifts that a parent can give their children are parents who love, respect, and support one another.  This is a gift that children will take with them forever.

So, a woman’s first priority should be her husband and together (husband and wife) the parent's priority is their children.