It can be an intimidating experience, even when
meeting the most accepting of families. In an interracial relationship, meeting
the parents can be even scarier as you anticipate potential objections,
disapproval or awkward questions.
Here are some things to consider before you meet
— or introduce — the parents.
Talk First
Before you meet your date’s parents — and/or
before you introduce your parents to your date — talk about your families.
Don’t let your date enter the situation blind. Discuss your parents’ attitudes
on interracial relationships, their individual roles within the family, and to
what degree you value their opinions. If you know of any outright opposition to
the relationship, try to prep your date with any background information —
understanding perspectives can help soften attitudes — that might explain why
your parents feel the way they do.
Be Patient
Don’t expect to win over families at your first
meeting. Long-standing attitudes and prejudices won’t be cast aside immediately
just because you’re a great person. Likewise, their dreams for their child to
marry someone within their race aren’t going to disappear overnight.
You may discover that your date’s parents
immediately embrace you, thrilled that their child has found someone so
wonderful — obviously — as you. Still, hesitations may arise later on as the
relationship gets more serious. Some parents might welcome you as a date, not a
future family member. Be patient as they adjust to a change in (their) plans
for their child.
When parents see how happy their children are in
healthy relationships, race and background will become less important.
Be
Gracious
Give your parents — or your date’s parents — the
benefit of the doubt. Forgive any poorly worded questions or statements. Try to
understand their perspectives: in earlier generations, interracial romance
wasn’t much of an option, so while it might not be a big deal to you, the
generation gap will dictate a different attitude.
